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Wednesday, May 4

Fear and performance

It's our driving focus, whether we want to be good or bad, we want to be good at it. We are performance driven, and if we fail to reach our goals or the goals that are being set by the people that we give authority over our lives to, than the drive to perform becomes the worst of all motivators. Fear. It's a terrible thing to let fear run our lives, but it so often does. Either we don't try because we are afraid, or we try to hard to be good at the wrong things for fear of being neglected, abused or abandoned. And then this world becomes a scary place.

If you've lived "this" abused life, like I have, you know what happens after years of trying to live up to someone else's (inappropriate) standards. I failed. And I gave up. My fear of under achieving became a fear of being judged, and that became a fear of trying. The thing that really hurts in that situation is that my fear of waisting effort sometimes prevents me from trying to have things that are healthy for me to have. It stifles my relationships and it keeps me trapped in places that I shouldn't be, for a time I led to problems with pornography. A picture couldn't judge me and find me wanting. But anyone else could, and I felt like every one did.

In reality, no one had authority to judge me unless I gave it to them. And even if I gave it to them, I could find just as much wrong with them, but that's not good for me either. God is the only one who has the authority to judge me and he found me guilty and inferior and sub par. But he redeemed me anyway.

God loves us so much that any judgement that we can make against ourselves, any judgement that the world could make against us, just doesn't matter. The greatest price is death and it's been paid by Jesus in our behalf. He loves us that much, even in our broken, failing, not good enough state. And when we trusted him as lord and savior, We gave up the authority in our lives to him, no one else can judge us, he is our authority, we can't even judge ourselves. And when he sees us, he says, "it is good".

god bless you, and keep you rockin' (like you do)

p.s. what the heck does p.s. stand for?

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