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Sunday, June 26

Out of my head

So, I've been pretty busy this week. Several great experiences and some awful ones. But the thing I walled away with is that I need to get out of my head. I spend way to much time analyzing the world. Trying to figure out what my friends are thinking or hiding, trying to discern what strangers are intending with thief actions and words. I think it boils down to worrying. And it gains me nothing to give all my time to these chores.

Tuesday, June 7


Sadly, this world is full of authorities, some are good, a lot are bad, most are abused. Our parents are authorities, some of them are good authorities, some of them are not. the basis of authority is derived from to key aspects... 1) real authority is right! in order to be a real authority, you must know what you are talking about. most people claim to be an authority, but they are usually showing their ignorance by the things that they say. They spout off at the lips without giving any concern to where their information came from. in order for a persons authority to be right, they must get their authority from right personal experiences, or as is most often the case, someone who is smarter than they are. 2) a real authority is based in love! in order to have authority, a person must care about what they are talking about, and the audience they are talking to. You cant have real authority and not care about the subject, as real authority is derived from a constant examination of what we know to be true.

This world is full of ignorant people that claim authority that is not theirs... It is also full of people that are in a position of authority but have not earned or validated their authority... There are many fathers out there, both young and old, some of these fathers are vigorous in their pursuit of being a good father, guardian and role model, some are not. lets face it, most are not. For generations, maybe from the very beginning, some men have abandoned their positions as fathers while others have tried to be good fathers. Sadly, over the generations, men have not taught their sons how to live, much less how to be fathers. So the young men in this generation are finding themselves in the position of not be an authority on anything, not having a role model, not knowing how to be fathers or husbands, and being in the situation where they find themselves fathers and husbands. How can they be expected to succeed with absolutely no clue what they are doing. Fixing this problem will involve two things. 1) fathers wanting to be fathers and seeking out gods word. 2) godly men being called as mentors.

In a world where men have forgotten how to be fathers, and by extension how to be real men; what can be said about women? Pretty much the same thing sadly. Many women have gotten involved in feminism, this is a damaging world view if ever there was one. It is just as impossible to be an independent woman and a Cristian as it is to be an independent man and a Christian. Every time I hear the phrase "I can do it myself I'm an independent woman!" my stomach turns. This view is the devil playing on our past to destroy our future. Nobody likes being told what to do, or how to live, and many of us have been hurt by people who abused their authority, but the bible and history make it clear that when we rely on ourselves we fail! We are not independent, we need god! We need to depend on him. In our weakness, he is strong. As real men and women of faith, he is the first thing we should trust in, and we should always avoid the chance to place our trust in ourselves. how often does that work out badly?

real authority comes from God, he is the author creator and finisher of both this universe and our individual faith. If your authority comes from him, you can be safe in knowing that it is both right and based in love. We as his people need to fight the urge to be the God of our own life, and leave him in the seat of authority that is his alone.

Now that we have discussed What authority is and who it belongs to, the discussion turns to our individual authority. Where does it come from and how can we use it effectively. First, our authority does not always come from God... But it should. We are often put into positions of authority, sometimes randomly or based on seniority. If you have worked at a Job for awhile you may be in a place of authority over some of your co-workers. sometimes this is because you know more than they do, and this should be the basis for a mentoring relationship where you invest your knowledge in them by spending time with them and instructing them. other times, you are in a position of authority due to favoritism and or random factors. in these situations you are in authority, but you may not be an authority. as Christians it is our responsibility to live up to the position we hold, and not to abuse our privilege as it is given to us. a good man does not lead others astray. However, in opposition to this worldly authority, which is often an illusion, the authority that we have spiritually is granted to us by God through Christ. Our authority, comes directly from Jesus, because it is his authority that he shares with us. this authority supersedes the authority that we can earn, steal, or borrow in this world. Because it is granted to us, it is not earned, and does not belong to us, but we can use it freely, so long as we use it correctly. the bible says that is better for a false teacher to be tied to a millstone and thrown into a lake compared to what god has in store for him on the day of judgment. we need to constantly be proving ourselves by improving ourselves in our understanding of scripture and love and truth. We have been given authority over all things, authority to save, in some cases to curse, and in all cases to show and share gods love and Jesus sacrifice with others. lets do our best to show ourselves to god as people that are approved , as workers who need not be shamed, as we rightly handle the word of truth.

A prophet

the world is going in a bad direction, no news to most of you... maybe we should pay more attention.

speaking for myself...

i find that seminary is a very good place to hide, from the world, from my family, from god... and it seems people on the outside give me too much credit, "he's at a seminary he must be good," sadly a lot of people are easily deceived. I'm no better than i once was, or so it seems to me. everyone else might see a smart kid with a good head on his shoulders, but they haven't seen my grades, noticed that i've thrown away years of my life... stolen more than i could ever repay. I'm not even in a bad place, i just know where i stand... on Jordan's stormy banks, needing a butt load of grace. I'm not even to the sink or swim part of the journey, I'm waiting... why am i waiting? god only knows, i wish he would speak up...

in the words of crowder... "i wish you'd remember where you set me down"

i've got a lot of christian friends, but just like me, the world wouldn't know that most of them are christians... they brag about it, but they aren't transparent, their christianity isn't noticeable, so were climbing into the same boat, only to end up, adrift and barely floating, in an ever more turbulent sea.

my situation in life has been changing and hopefully that will even me out, but its going to take time... i've also been very alone lately, partly due to being at work a lot, and partly due to the fact that the people in my life are pairing off. it's not a new thing, but it's still hard to deal with.

aside from all that, and shift direction off of me... i feel that the world is encouraging us to be less "separate" and to "corrupt" ourselves a little in order to better fit in. we wear scandalous (from the greek meaning causing to stumble) clothing, we tell clever lies, we cheer at other peoples pain. all while sitting in undeserved, unprecedented, and just plain bad for us, comfort. we use words that would make sailors blush, just to pass the time, and we sell ourselves little by little to whomever wants to satisfy us at this moment.

i ask you, who wants to drink water with "a little" rat poison in it? nobody, if we are offering a dim light to a world, nation, city, town, neighborhood, or community that is lost in the dark, what good are we. less of me is more of jesus, and I'm all about me.

as a people, we need to burn off that desire of "self" in His presence. maybe then we can shine like Him, even if it is just a reflection.

we've turned the wrong way, God is bigger than us, not the other way around. we need to prioritize, we should have to make time for ourselves because He is our life; our day to day. Not the other way around. Focus is not just a ford model, its what we need, and it needs to be on Him.

i don't like to preach, but a prophet is needed, and i don't see one out there.


The lie

She feels lost, the dark so inviting, she seeks comfort in the shadows, forgotten are the words warmth... Safe... She forgets His name, but He remembers hers. She tries to sell herself, but finds no joy, she gives herself away, but finds no compassion, she tries to hide, in the dark, she loses herself to it, she forgets her name, but He remembers… It's soft on His lips. She hears, a sound like memory, something she used to know, she remembers… it sounds like home, but she is mired in her pity, pulled down by her fall, filthy with apathy and the shame of it all, she can’t just run to Him... Can she?... She stays… she cries… she has surrendered to the pain, she knows it well, she won't let it end... But what does she find in the dirt? A hand... It's clean and strong, shining in the night, it's Him, He wouldn't take no for an answer, He found her, He pursued her, and His hand is not in hers, her hand is in His, she had forgotten, she remembers, He never let go! She knew the dark and called it home, but he never let go. She tried to give herself away, but she was not her own... She cries, He smiles.
“why?” She asks...


Community paranoia and the drug of choice

i've found a really god community at the vineyard church. something i've been looking for a very long time. in the past, i celebrated when i found a community that accepted me on a trial basis, and then quickly turned on me, i figured... that's as good as it gets. so i constantly set my self up for a fall, "i know sooner or later, these people are going to hurt me" so i start to lash out in my paranoia. the other day i made my friend steve look like a jerk, and he wasn't even there. thats just the most recent time that fear has gotten the better of me. i need to realize that when things aren't going great, that it is not necessarily any ones fault, or even worse, it could be my own fault... i cant let fear be my drug of choice, it enables me to be hurtful to the people i care about, and rationalize it as defense. 


its seems that the more people i talk to about the concept of dating, the more i realize people are stupid... looking for a thrill, a series of new intimate awkward exciting moments, a trend that cant last long, they get that for maybe two or three months, then they get bored and move on... they forgot in the excitement to become friends and now they have nothing but monotony. no wonder marriages don't last and adultery is an epidemic, people looking for excitement don't find love, and people who may have found love don't think its exciting enough. we've forgotten what joy looks like, and replaced it with shallow things like adventure, lust, selfishness, and fear. i hate the beetles, but I think they were on to something.. all you need is love, and the rest works out fine. we cant keep bouncing from one dead end relationship to another... :-( BlogBooster-The most productive way for mobile blogging. BlogBooster is a multi-service blog editor for iPhone, Android, WebOs and your desktop

The kiss

it always comes down to one thing, the kiss. hearts swell and burst and break, worlds collide, truths change. in a garden, the fate of man hanging in the balance, a betrayal turned the world upside down. the world would be saved, hearts would be broken, the deal would be sealed with a kiss. promises kept, a man with nothing but love, was lead to the slaughter by the symbol of love, the kiss. Judas may have thought that he was an instrument of god, he may have just wanted the money, but in his disbelief, lacking faith in the man and the god he loved, he used that symbol of the open heart, of perfect trust, of love and grace, a kiss to break the world. he didn't know that it would be healed by this betrayal, but it was. God's plan includes our ignorance and our doubt. but wouldn't it be better to love?